Friday Boozing Open Thoughts Thread

TimSchroeder

It is Friday night and I'm in Erie PA drinking at a restaurant alone which is drunk stagger distance to my hotel. It hasn't risen above 5 degrees since Monday. Then there was the whole 'Hey Tim, jump up and touch base with the Buffalo office...' I'll overlook my disdain for people that use 'touch base', 'synergies' among other platitudes but a 6 hour round trip to even colder Buffalo wasn't exactly a highlight.

Anyway seeing as @zachboring set the standard last week for drinking and writing and I have nothing else going on, I'll pick up the mantle this week.

Does it count as a gift to your wife if you buy her a boob job for valentines day?

I don't know if I dodged a bullet or missed out on hook up opportunities going to college pre-myspace and facebook. I think back to parties where we would pay a photographer so we could get charged again later to buy the photos. Nowadays I guess kids just shoot away with camera phones. We had texting and sexting but no pics were exchanged because everyone had the Nokia 3210.

I feel like I'm happier now in my mid-30's than I ever was in my 20's.

Anyway, my boneless buffalo wings are here. Anyone feel free to chime in!

yournotunique

Facebook and myspace, not so much. But Tinder is the missed opportunity. I think that would have made college something insane.

Boneless buffalo wings are an abomination and you should feel ashamed.

Aaron Webstey

My junk thanks me every day for going to college before Tinder.

TimSchroeder

I feel no shame. But I also use a fork on occasion to eat pizza.

I'm pretty sure this means I'm an asshole.

If I did not this job and was single WITH tinder. Holy shit, greatest job ever.

Ryan Heisler

Being one of the first colleges that had thefacebook (that's right, it used to have "the" in it), it definitely helped step up the game a fair bit. Particularly re-connecting with people you met at a party the night before and you garbled the shit out of their name in your piece of shit flip phone.

Seeing as it is now Saturday, I spent the day packing up our apartment (we're moving into civilization, thank God). As such, I have packed all of my good glassware, which means I'm drinking the good bourbon (Angel's Envy, which was aged in former port barrels) out of a fucking Solo cup.

In other news, tomorrow morning's swim will likely be a challenge of whether or not I will puke while flip-turning.

yournotunique

@rrheisler I've heard that's good stuff, the Angel's Envy, but I haven't had a chance to try it yet. Gonna have to make a more concerted effort to find it. My drinking today was actually sort of classy for me: downed a bottle of prosecco for bellinis and a bottle of wine for, well, after. Figure it was well deserved after spending about 90 minutes re-arranging the basement for a treadmill. Then recovered by watching Big Hero 6 and Book of Life. Just felt like an animated movie kind of day.

Duckies

Angel's Envy was my Friday night. Stuff is wonderfully drinkable; it's like a session ale in bourbon form.

TheDonMagicDon

I can't even imagine being single in the Tinder era. People have to just be banging it out nonstop. I mean people have a lot of sex in college, but Tinder has to have increased that by magnitudes of order.

I finished college just as everyone was starting to get cell phones (2004). God, even that would have really simplified things. AIM can only get you so far.

I ordered some wings the other night. Waiter asked if I wanted boneless or regular. "Boneless wings aren't wings."

Ryan Heisler

@Duckies you're not wrong. That stuff is dangerously drinkable. The fourth tastes like the first and the buzz is divine. It's also not super sweet so you don't wind up with the horrid migraine that comes from a night of Knob Creek.

I will say that I defeated the urge to puke while flip-turning today, which was an added plus.

_MurMan

Tinder is not all its cracked up to be... I have 1000 "matches" and no one wants to bang... maybe I put them off telling them about all the training i do... but shouldn't they be impressed by that? its impressive right?

Aaron Webstey

@_MurMan you should just say "I'm 6-4. Proportions. Do the math, then send me your address."

_MurMan

@AaronWebstey gonna pick 10 girls at random and see how this goes over, then report back. or do you think I need a larger test field 50-100 maybe?

Mark_after_Dark

@_MurMan Have you tried being better looking and/or funnier?

Mark_after_Dark

Let me write your tinder profile

Aaron Webstey

@_MurMan better start small - you're gonna have your hands full.

HSeeley14

Dark_Mark said:

Let me write your tinder profile

@_MurMan YES!!! Just imagine the classy ladies that will be banging down your door if @Dark_Mark writes your profile!? I don't even know what Tinder is, yup, old married chick here - well, I guess that wouldn't stop people from Tindering now would it? Believe it or not I met my husband on PlentyofFish hahaha. Our first date was at a local nude beach.

Mark_after_Dark

@HSeeley14 and @_MurMan If only you knew what mine says.

Aaron Webstey

@Dark_Mark we can probably all guess that it:
- mentions thigh gaps
- has something about aliens
- links to a photo of your medals rack (claims they're UFC medals)
- is obliquely self-effacing, and charmingly funny
- works every time

_MurMan

@Dark_Mark ill allow it. But I want input from @HSeeley14 as well. Post it here and I'll copy and paste it in!

Mark_after_Dark

It has to be a one liner. Bitches love one liners.

TimSchroeder

@_MurMan you can always go with the tagline that I told my prom date:

"You might as well, cause I'm telling all my friends we did..."

TimSchroeder

Also for any team members in Pittsburgh, my wife's best friend is single, fun and I have no problem talking her up to anyone. She is the one on the left.

HMkrplunkit

Dispite all this horrible advice you are giving @_murman you guys are really good at getting beautiful ladies to marry you.

Congratulations!

_MurMan

@TimSchroeder technically there's two on the left. So I'm assuming package deal?? Also next time I'm out I'll give that line a go! Lmao

And @Kpressure i don't see you trying to give any advice..

Mark_after_Dark

@TimSchroeder tell her about me. Tell her how I have a free hotel room.

Mark_after_Dark

@_MurMan Here it is:

Things I like to carve up with chainsaws
-Ice sculptures
-Not women


I guarantee this will get you more right swipes.

_MurMan

@Dark_Mark well I can't argue with greatness. My only problem is I need to add an ice carving picture to my profile now.

But my current count is 1008 and this is my profile.



I'll change it and leave it till Sunday. That gives the ladies plenty of time to get inebriated and maybe think that joke is funny and doesn't scream "my night will end as a horror movie"!

_MurMan

Also I'm well aware that I'm whoring out my dogs lol

_MurMan

So this is gonna be super fun )

Mark_after_Dark

Ha, awesome

Ryan Heisler

@_MurMan should add a photo with a 70s-porn-tastic stache. That'll take it over the top.